Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
