i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
