When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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