GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
