your parents love me but you hate me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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