he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
false alarm. still invincible.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize