If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
