the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
