I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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