WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
