I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
