I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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