the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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