We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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