I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
