How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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