Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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