there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
