We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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