bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
