woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
