i think my mom watched the whole time
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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