i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize