do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
