Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
