She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize