What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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