is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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