making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
