I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
