I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
