My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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