Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
