After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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