I have demons in me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
