Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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