When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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