I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
