We won't sleep together?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize