dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
