Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
