I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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