I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
