thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
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There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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