Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
