I puked a lego.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
