please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
