just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
