yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
