I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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