Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
