His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
