yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
