i already hear my dad disowning me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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