Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How does one acquire holy water?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
