11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
