non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
