I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
