I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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