Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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