They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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