Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
