Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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