How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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