Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
