My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
