My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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