I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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