Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
