My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize