if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
