im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
