i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
