Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
