she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
