I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
