So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
