So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
