Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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