the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
